Ain’t No Cure For Love

by SaraG

2145 AC

The Earl of Knutterbury got out of the time machine that the weird stranger had given him and entered the building with “Health.Inc” written in large neon letters over the portico. As soon as he wasn’t looking, the machine imploded silently and disappeared.

“I’ve got the disease of love,” he told the receptionist. The Earl was embarrassed to talk about such matters in front of a woman, even though her cleavage indicated that she wasn’t a lady.

“Ain’t no cure for that,” the girl laughed.

“I meant Venus’s disease.” The Earl saw the confused look in her face. “Syphilis!,” he shouted and blushed.

#

“Tertiary syphilis? Are you sure?,” the CEO of Health.Inc asked.

“Absolutely sir. There’s also some brain damage, which penicillin won’t reverse. Should we give him complete neuro-regenerative treatment?”

The CEO looked at his aide as if the man had lost his mind.

“Of course! The publicity is well worth the cost. Imagine, a nineteenth century gentleman, come to get treatment from Health.Inc. Besides, we have the contract to consider…” The contract stated that Health.Inc had to treat every human and household pet within the confines of the European Union. In exchange, they had been awarded the succulent biological arms contracts.

“Sir, please reconsider, what if more of these health tourists come? We can’t treat everyone!”

“Stop angsting. There won’t be any others. Random space-time anomaly, wasn’t that what the physics called it?”

“But his time-machine?”

“Doesn’t exist. Did anyone see him walking out of any time-machine? Where is it? Show it to me! Son, he has neurological damage, he’s probably seeing little green men.”

#

2434 AC

“Brilliant! What a trick, drowning them in medical refugees so they had to divert their funds from biological weapons. How the hell did you think of it?,” Brillo asked.

Aro leaned back in the semi-sentient chair and listened to it purr. Brillo was an idiot, but still, it was nice to be adored.

“It wasn’t so difficult. Come on, if you want, you can help me with the next intervention. Which century do you want, twentieth, or twenty-first? It’s up to you.”