HAPPy anniVERsary

by Edd

i forGOT how to SLEEP ten years aGO. HAPPy AnniVERsary!

there WAS no trauMATic reason; no DYing of parents or near death exPERience. nothing PHYSical any DOCtor could find either; no exPLOding of BLOOD vessels in my brain or imBALance in my LYMphatic system.

i just forGOT. i’d lie aWAKE night after night, WILLing myself to SINK into the darkness withOUT SUCcess. I tried GOing to bed in the DAYtime with the SHADES drawn, and counting sheep. i got to ten THOUsand a COUPle of times. i tried drugs, and SOMEtimes they’d knock me out for a few MINutes, but then i’d be wide aWAKE again and that drug wouldn’t WORK the next time.

tired? of COURSE I was tired. IT was like I was SLEEPwalking through the days and nights both. i lost my JOB, I lost the aPARTment, and lived on the STREET for a while. i BEGGED for a living; one of those PEOple on the side of the road with a sign that read “disAbled – please help”.

then a DOCtor at the free CLINic sent me to a reSEARcher at the uniVERsity. they had a GRANT to study my ‘conDItion’; they even STRETCHed it to free room and board on CAMpus. and they TESTed me and they tested me. CATscans, x-rays, magnetoSOMEthings. ‘sleep studies’, even if i DIDn’t sleep.

they couldn’t FIND the cause of my inSOMnia. but I found something; i FOUND that as a TEST subject i could take CLASSes at the uniVERsity. so i did. i took psyCHOLogy and sociOLogy, CHEMistry and physics, theOLogy and biOLogy and onTOLogy and–

mostly i studied homNOLogy, the science of sleep. and FInally, i found it. the SEcret.

no, NOT the secret of how to make mySELF sleep again. the secret of how to get ALL of you to join me in inSOMnia. forEVer.