Personals

by Luc Reid

Talking seagull seeks mate. Not sure if I’m M or F, because sexing birds is tricky. I like long walks on the beach screaming at a companion, beautiful sunsets over garbage dumps, playing french fry tug-of-war, and freaking out the tourists by shouting warnings to them when they’re not looking (then pretending I can’t talk). No sandpipers, please.

* * *

SWF, 218 years old (but looks 190!), seeks SM, 210-300. I drank a secret elixir in 1814–maybe you did too? Seeking love, companionship, and someone who can really challenge me in the history and entertainment categories in Trivial Pursuit. Remember the Victorian era? Well, we’re not in it any more: get ready for red-hot duocentenarian love!

* * *

SJM, 23, 6’7″, seeks SF 4’10” or shorter, because it would look so funny, and people love to see things like that.

* * *

I SPY: February 11th, at 10:15 in the morning, on the bus route to Queens. You were the dark shadow of a cloud that fell over the street, plunging everything into a gloom for just the space of a breath. I was the iridescence of gasoline in a mud puddle, waiting to get splashed. I glimmered in you for a moment. Did you feel it too?