The Strange Story of Hugh Djass

by Luc Reid

Hugh Djass got picked on a lot as a kid, but whenever he complained to his father, Del Djass, Del said the same thing:

“Son, you have the name you do because I love you. Your mom didn’t want it, and I know you don’t want it right now, but I think someday you’ll thank me. If you can make it through childhood, head held high, with a name like ‘Hugh Djass,’ you can make it through anything.”

“Dad, I really don’t like it! We have to change it!”

“Not until you’re 16. Then I’ll gladly sign the papers if that’s what you want, because you’ll have made it through childhood. Until then, you’ll just have to man up.”

So Hugh manned up. He ignored the taunts and waited for everyone to get tired of them. Unfortunately, they didn’t–but on the bright side, the friends Hugh eventually made were all people with a sense of humor.

On Hugh’s 16th birthday he received a stamp collecting set from his father. Hugh wasn’t remotely interested in stamp collecting.

“The thing is, Hugh, stamp collecting teaches you discipline and attention to detail. Don’t knock it before you try it!”

“OK,” Hugh said. “Thanks, dad. But now I need something else from you.” And Hugh slowly took a folded form from his jacket pocket. It was a name change form.

Del frowned. Hugh burst into tears. “I just can’t stand it any more, Dad! Just sign it, OK? Please?”

Del obviously wasn’t crazy about the idea, but Hugh knew he was a man of his word, and he flipped to the end and signed.

The next afternoon when Del returned from work, Hugh was sitting at the table, working on his homework, whistling.

“So,” Del said, “did you change your name?”

“Well, it’s a funny thing,” said Hugh. “I filed the form, but I decided not to change my name, at least not directly.”

“I don’t understand,” Del said.

“It’s changed, all right, but I don’t think there’s much difference in practical terms between being named ‘Hugh Djass’ or ‘Hugh Djass, Jr.'” He handed a court-validated copy of the form to Del. “Should’ve read it first, Dad. Attention to detail, right?”

Then Hugh gathered up his homework and left Hugh Djass, Senior alone with his thoughts.