Plugs

Jason Fischer has a story appearing in Jack Dann’s new anthology Dreaming Again.

Trent Walters, poetry editor at A&A, has a chapbook, Learning the Ropes, from Morpo Press.

Angela Slatter’s story ‘Frozen’ will appear in the December 09 issue of Doorways Magazine, and ‘The Girl with No Hands’ will appear in the next issue of Lady Churchill’s Rosebud Wristlet.

Jonathan Wood’s story “Notes on the Dissection of an Imaginary Beetle” from Electric Velocipede 15/16 is available online.

Archive for the ‘David Kopaska-Merkel’ Category

The Mad Scientist’s Evil Twin

Friday, March 21st, 2008

His brother started it. Fame and fortune weren’t enough for Stephan. He had to rub it in Eldon’s face every day by being gracious, magnanimous, and successful. Curing cancer, solving world hunger, inventing a practical matter transmitter, discovery after sickening discovery. Whatever Stephan did just added to his wealth and reputation. He got more girls. He even had a better name!

Eldon was not going to be a copycat. Being the second most famous scientist in a family just didn’t cut it. He chose a darker path.

* * * * *

Eldon specialized in biochemistry and genetics. He started small, a new viral disease here, a rust that ruined the taste of sweet corn there. He wore black, cultivated a mustache and goatee, and found that this persona drew women to him like vultures to a sheep carcass. He smiled a lot, and stroked his beard. He married frequently, if not well, and spent a lot of time in the lab. His brother was never far from his mind.

* * * * *

Carol buzzed around him, angry reminder of another almost-successful experiment. Maybe next time he should try something more substantial, something with a bigger brain. Not a mantis or spider; something benign, harmless. Perhaps a grasshopper, or a katydid. That was it! He’d always liked that Steely Dan album.

Carol came to rest on one of the windowsill plants. As the green jaws closed she realized she’d chosen poorly. Her tiny struggles grew louder, then were muffled, silenced. To his first wife, a housefly was nothing more than a snack. The Venus fly trap rattled its leaves suggestively.

Eldon pressed a button on his desk.

“Ms. Collins? Would you assist me in an experiment?”

* * * * *

Eldon picked up on the second ring. “Stephan! So good to hear from you. I’m in the midst of a groundbreaking experiment, Stephan, so you’ll just have to wait. Perhaps lunchtime on Friday, my treat. Yes, let’s meet in my lab.”

Eldon turned back toward the examination table, where Miss Collins rolled her eyes frantically above the duct tape. Eldon adjusted the controls on the somatic gene-therapy transformer.

“This won’t hurt a bit.”

* * * * *

Eldon slammed the cup down over the oddly deformed grasshopper. “Got you!” The grasshopper hopped weakly, bumping into the glass. He dumped it into the terrarium. The machine had performed perfectly on this last run. Friday he would use a cicada.

the end

Demon Dog Treats

Tuesday, March 4th, 2008

(Sequel to “The Ham Sandwich of Destiny,” by Kat Beyer)

At first Crystal thought the guy in the café was hitting on her, which distracted her from the funny taste of the sandwich. The guy seemed nice enough, if a little eccentric, dropping into the seat across from her and not even introducing himself. She got out fast, though, when he started babbling about sandwiches with souls!

By the time she got home she was sure the sandwich had been spoiled, but she had to walk Demon anyway.
“Hi Britney.” Britney was walking a pair of shaggy squat dogs for Mrs. Nyimso.

“Morning Crystal,” Britney giggled.

Britney had the most irritating laugh. She probably didn’t even know the dogs she walked every day were the physical manifestations of tibetan spirit messengers. “May they eat her bowels,” Crystal muttered, rubbing her cramping stomach. She left Demon in the apartment with a stern injunction to eat any shi dogs that might show up, but to leave the furniture alone. She’d have to run to make it to the botanica in time, and she was definitely feeling queasy. At a stoplight she saw a parade of translucent floating figures clad in saffron robes. They were crossing against the light. Could food poisoning cause that?

Madame was already raising the shutters when Crystal panted up to the door. “Crystal, good morning. I’ve got some concrete statuary in the van. I want you to set it out where the big Euphorbia used to be.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Crystal was already inside the van when she realized the statues were shi dogs. Why was Madame buying Chinese spirits for a Mexican magic shop? She jumped back, but one of the statues caught her ankle. She fell heavily, got off one good blast from the whistle around her neck, and concrete jaws closed on her wrist. She heard barking, rapidly growing louder, then the shi was yanked away from her arm. She screamed and doubled up around her ravaged wrist. As soon as she could, she began pushing the pain away. When she looked up Demon was chewing on concrete gravel and Madame was standing in front of her. “You will have to pay for the statues your dog ate.” Crystal nodded. As doggie snacks the shi were kind of costly, funny thing is I was actually looking for this new brand, smack dog food that I’ve heard is the best in the market right now, the so I can treat her with it too.

So anyways The apartment door would be expensive I thought and then so I just ask.

“Now let’s take a look at your injury.”

When Madame touched Crystal’s wrist she looked up sharply. “Are you pregnant?”

The end

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