Archive for the ‘David Kopaska-Merkel’ Category
Raise Your Hand if You Just Became a Vegan
Tuesday, July 10th, 2007
A well-constructed young woman barged into my office Monday morning, breathing hard after running up two flights of stairs. When she regained her composure she told me her great aunt had “drifted away from her moorings.” Some time Sunday morning the old lady had started devouring livestock, not just raw, but still living. By day’s end she was dead.
“What do you want me to do, Miss Clarendon?”
“Oh, Mr. Deadbolt,” she replied, “Why did she eat those critters? The great aunt Sylvia I knew would never do such a thing. She might have been murdered. Maybe by a hypnotist.”
*
“I’m sure you know why I have gathered you together,” I began. “You are the relatives of the late Sylvia Clarendon. I was asked to investigate her death, to find out whether foul play was involved. I’ve checked into all of you carefully, as well as anyone who had business or social dealings with the deceased. I turned up nothing. Ms. Clarendon was universally liked, and was far from wealthy.
“I did partially solve the mystery. She really did take a double dose of several powerful prescription drugs last Friday night as she went to bed. Sunday morning she swallowed a common housefly, and then a spider in hopes that it would trap the fly. Because of the limited opportunities for web construction within her digestive tract, she chose a jumping spider, but of a perfectly respectable species. When the spider failed to return, Ms. Clarendon swallowed a small bird. Its mission was to retrieve the spider, but by 0900 hrs it had failed to do so. Her choice of a house sparrow, a seed eater, may have been part of the problem. There followed in rapid succession the following commandos: a rat, a cat, and a dog, all with rather obvious goals. Her motives of the afternoon are less certain. About 1320 she swallowed a goat, which might have been a bad choice considering the size of the dog it was supposed to subdue. Be that as it may, around 1500 hrs a cow followed the goat. This was a highly reliable operative named Bessie who had successfully completed similar missions in the past. At 1545 a cleaner named Dobbins was sent in, with what tragic results you all know.
“I have, as I said, worked out most of the details of the weekend’s tragedy. However, one thing still puzzles me about the whole affair. I don’t know why she swallowed the fly.”
The end
Reference
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/There_Was_an_Old_Lady_Who_Swallowed_a_Fly
The Honeybee Movement
Monday, July 2nd, 2007
You know how people wonder whether the human race will go out with a bang or a whimper? I think the honeybees have answered that question for us. I personally see the hand of God in the fact that honeybee workers, classic nose-to-the-grindstone types, are just walking off the job. More and more colonies are turning up empty, or with just a few young and bewildered bees. It’s like the family that left their home in Oklahoma or wherever it was. They drove until the car ran out of gas; then they started walking. No one ever saw them again. Well, I figure this is our last warning. The pillar of salt was a warning. The global flood was another. The honeybees are simply the latest, but I think they show us how it will happen. I’ve seen this in a vision: people just dropping things where they lie and walking away, walking away from everything, and they don’t come back.
Now if we only knew which of the myriad sects was the correct one, the one that had God’s true word, we could all join. Maybe if only one person joined, we would get another chance. I am convinced that this time, as in the time of Noah, someone will see the light. Someone will understand the true word of God, act accordingly, and people will listen. But this has to happen soon. As I walk to and from work it seems to me that more houses are empty, more businesses operate with a skeleton crew, more storefronts are abandoned.
So I think we will be saved, but one thing has me lying awake at night. Suppose one of the countless sects that has been extirpated over the last few millennia was the only one that got it right. Or what if no one has ever understood the Truth?
I’m doing what I can. I’m researching forgotten religions and setting up websites for all of them. Go online and Google “religions.” You’ll find them, mixed in with all the familiar ones. Ritual of the Gnaath. Sisterhood of Eternity. And so on. Each has a PayPal button. I’m not taking that money myself! It really goes to that religion, for website maintenance. I figure if I can revive any of these religions it will improve our odds. And I’m getting lots of hits, lots of contributions. Do I have yours?