Archive for the ‘David Kopaska-Merkel’ Category
wishes.com
Friday, April 13th, 2007
To: dmerwyn@caustic.net
From: genie@wishes.com
Subject: 3 wishes
Dear D. Merwyn:
Congratulations! You have been selected to receive three wishes! To claim your wishes, simply hit the reply button and state your request.
To: genie@wishes.com
From: Dan Merwyn
Subject: Re: 3 wishes
Please do not send any more spam to this address.
To: dmerwyn@caustic.net
From: genie@wishes.com
Subject: Re: 3 wishes
Dear Dan:
Congratulations! You have won three wishes. To claim your wishes, simply hit the reply button and state your request.
To: genie@wishes.com
From: Dan Merwyn
Subject: Re: 3 wishes
Stop sending me this stuff. I get too much spam and I’m certainly not going to buy your stupid product!!
To: dmerwyn@caustic.net
From: genie@wishes.com
Subject: Re: 3 wishes
Dear Dan:
We are not selling anything. You have won three wishes. To claim your wishes, simply hit the reply button and tell us what you want.
To: genie@wishes.com
From: Dan Merwyn
Subject: Re: 3 wishes
Stop bothering me!! Can’t you tell I have work to do?! Telemarketers and junk mail are bad enough, do I have to suffer through this as well? Please, please, please leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!
To: dmerwyn@caustic.net
From: genie@wishes.com
Subject: Re: 3 wishes
Dear Dan:
Telemarketers? Can you express that in the form of a wish?
To: genie@wishes.com
From: Dan Merwyn
Subject: Re: 3 wishes
I get more spam than real e-mail. In fact, most days all I get is spam. Will I never have peace?! Oh, God, I wish the internet had never been invented!!!!!!!!
************************************************************************
I. M. Genie
Wishes, Inc.
321 Desire Dr.
Fulfillment ND
Dear Sir or Madam:
Congratulations! You have been selected to receive two valuable wishes! Do not throw away this letter. Simply reply to the address above to claim your wishes. Please state your wishes unambiguously.
Sincerely,
I. M. Genie,
Field Agent
Freshman Cosmology
Monday, April 2nd, 2007
So the TriDee says, “The natives believed their dance was the only thing preventing the ultimate dissolution of everything. It’s like those monks who were recording the 9 Billion Names of God. Or the other monks who were playing a 64 stack of Arky Malarkey and when they finished the universe would end. This powerful image repeats in various forms in religions throughout known space.”
“How could even ignorant natives have believed that?! It’s the biggest load of BS…”
“Can it, James. You are so dismissive of other people. I find it disgusting.” Elaine tossed the chip stack on the coffee table. “I don’t understand why you watch that talk-TriDee anyway. A bunch of know-nothings grinding axes.” She left. It was weird seeing her ass leave the room without her ex-boyfriend following it. Hadn’t seen him since they broke up.
“Anyway,” James continued, running his hands through his hair, “they are gone, extinct, disappeared, guantanamowed, couldn’t hack it in the new ecology, square-pegged out, finished, finito, finis, etcetera ad nauseam … and the universe is still here. So they were wrong.”
“Maybe not,” I replied, “you know how every decision creates at least one new universe. When the last native died the universe split. We’re in the one that survived their extinction. So what do you think he sees in her anyway?”
James laughed. “What do you care? You interested? We are living in the world in which the natives died,” he said. “Period. The local sophonts have been completely exterminated. It’s not what you or I would have done, but it happened. If their unsophisticated religious beliefs were correct, this world would have ceased to exist, and you can’t split what has already been destroyed. The world in which we made sure at least a few of them survived in a zoo would have continued.”
“Well, if this were a science fiction story,” I said, “either the world would now disappear, or it would turn out the homegrown primitives were not extinct.” Maybe both, I thought. “Nah, I just find her irritating.”
“Me too, but I don’t care what she does in bed,” said James. “If they were still here we would see them. With modern technology without question we would know. You know how hard the Authority looked for them during the Readjustment. They are gone.”
Outside the station, a trio of indigenes shuffle-stomped upslope. The little one lagged behind, and one of the others hoisted it onto her shoulders. They passed a meter behind one of the observation robots. The robot rose to its feet and did a leisurely 360 with its observation turret. About halfway through the rotation it hesitated, cycled through detection modes, clickety-clacked weapon-tube covers off and on, off and on. It finished its sweep and returned to passive mode. A human might have shrugged. By then, the aborigines were gone, soft-shoeing their way into The World That Is.
Click!