Archive for the ‘Edd Vick’ Category
Act Local
Friday, March 5th, 2010
Wheel of Fortune went to commercial, my signal to head for the kitchen. Another beer in hand, I stepped back out to hear, “–your hair can look supermodel good.”
The latest 007 girl was sitting in one of the chairs at Sybil’s Salon. Sybil’s, which always looked dingy and empty when I passed while walking to the corner market. The actress looked airbrushed just sitting there. And the salon was huge, with bustling hair stylists and manicurists and a dozen happy-looking customers. How the hell could Sybil afford a television ad, much less one that looked this good? How could she afford an actress who only went by a single name?
The next commercial came on. “Dog walking by Carol,” said the announcer over a simple geometric background that morphed into a picture of my wife standing by a pair of Pomeranians. She’d never looked so luscious. The ad was Cleo-worthy. It was Superbowl-good. I spent most of the time looking at my wife instead of listening to the voice track.
A full orchestra backed Frank Sinatra as he extolled the virtues of the lemonade stand on the corner. “But seriously,” he said. “Kip and Kerry only use the freshest lemons and the purest sugar.” He was computer-generated, but to get that true to life they were using the latest Hollywood tech.
It went on. Million-dollar ads for the taco truck two blocks away, for the high-schooler across the street who mowed lawns, for the upcoming garage sale planned by the Hilliards two doors down. During prime time there were commercials for the same businesses, but these were different ads, just as impressive.
The phone rang. Somebody wanted Carol to walk her labs. Again, the snooty VanMasons asking if she could sit their pedigreed poodles over Labor Day. People paid more attention to the commercials than the prime-time shows.
Are the auto manufacturers gone? The insurers? The fast food franchises? All the other big businesses whose ads would normally be airing? I’m sure I have friends who work – or worked – for them, but I can’t think who just at the moment. I’ll have to check my address book.
But first, a lemonade from Kip and Kerry. Advertising works.
The Cabal’s third anniversary is approaching, and we’re looking for help figuring out how to celebrate, so we’re holding a contest. Click here to read the details and give us your ideas!
Books Gone Bad
Monday, February 8th, 2010
As it happened I was in the bookstore the day books rebelled. Frankly, there wasn’t much to it. A bunch of them snapped their covers at people, and one managed to give an old lady a paper cut, but there’s only so much a book can do.
I was in the store to buy Stephanie a let’s-try-to-get-along-better present. Ever since she got back from Venus she’s been saying I don’t love her enough. Well, I do love her. I do. But that hair, going all weightless and wandering around the room at times, it gets to me.
She’s says it’s me, that going back to 1904 made me all chauvinistic. Not true, 23-skidoo, that’s what my great-squared grandpop would say.
Anyway. The books. They sent out a press release; said they were offended so many people were giving up print for pixels. They declared war on the internet. They were sure their brothers-in-arms the magazines and newspapers would back them in this glorious struggle.
“Don’t bring us into it,” said newspapers. “We’re just happy to be alive at all.”
The internet said it deplored this sad last-ditch effort to restore a fading pastime to ubiquity. “What’s next?” it said. “Bringing back the buggy-whip? Ready to build another pyramid? Hell, are you going to ask people to start breathing again? You saw how much trouble that was!”
Sometimes the internet gets carried away.
Stephanie loved the t-shirt. Her hair thought it was a nice gesture but is adopting a wait-and-see attitude.