Archive for the ‘Sara Genge’ Category
Parthenia Rook V: In Rio de Janeiro with a Gnome
Thursday, July 19th, 2007
The garden gnome had never envisioned himself parading in Rio de Janeiro dressed only in feathers, a pineapple hat and a thong, but when Parthenia Rook came to him and asked his help to defeat the Bonobo King… well, she was a superheroine in leather pants. Besides, at that stage, nobody had mentioned thongs.
Parthenia’s costume was rather more elaborate. Albert thought she must be carrying about a hundred pounds of fruit which, sadly, covered her from head to foot. Her plan was to infiltrate one of the blocos and parade through the city. Bonobo King would not be able to resist their fruity head-ornaments and when he approached them and tried to steal their irresistible mangoes and bananas, Parthenia would knock him out with her patented leather-boot triple kick. It seemed like a fool-proof plan at the time. Alas, as many other fool-proof plans in superhero history, it wasn’t.
When they saw the Bonobo King, Parthenia Rook pushed the gnome behind her and faced her archenemy. Albert thought it was very heroic of her and peered out from behind her fruity derriere.
“At last we meet, Bonobo King,” she said.
The Bonobo King’s eyes darted from bananas to oranges to melons. He seemed frozen with indecision. Finally he knuckled up to Parthenia and reached up for the cherry dangling from her ear. Parthenia jumped forward… and toppled over from the sheer weight of the fruit basket attached to her head.
Albert stared at the Bonobo King over the fallen heroine’s body.
“Er… at last we meet…” It didn’t sound as portentous as he’d hoped. “Fruit, anyone?”
The Bonobo King put the cherry in his mouth and stared at the garden gnome. His face twisted into a mask of pure evil. Then he started laughing. Albert thought he was never going to stop. He pointed at Albert and jumped up and down, eyes watering and belly rumbling. Mortified, the garden gnome wished Bonobo King would get on with business and kill him already, but then the ape went blue in the face, started coughing and toppled over.
Parthenia Rook emerged from the mountain of fruit. “Cherry pits plus laughter. Never fails,” she said, marching triumphantly over the Bonobo King’s body. “Thank you. I couldn’t have done this without you, Albert.”
Albert trailed behind. “Aren’t you gonna, you know, check that he’s really dead?”
“No, superheroes never double-check stuff. There is such a thing as style.” Albert glanced back doubtfully: he was sure he’d seen that ape twitch.
Toad
Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
Hailey grabbed the toad by the leg and threw it against the wall. There was an ugly splatter.
“See what you’ve done?” she told the prince which had matterialized half-conscious on the floor. “I’m never going to get those guts off the wall and the cleaning lady will ask all sorts of questions in the morning.”
“I’m sorry,” stuttered the boy. “You freed me, my Princess!”
“Yeah, whatever. That’s what we do in this country. We free people.” Hailey wrinkled her nose at the overwhelming acne on the boy’s face. “I’m soo glad I didn’t kiss you,” she said.
“But you will when we’re married?” he asked. Hailey lifted an eyebrow.
“You are going to marry me, aren’t you?”
Hailey backed off towards the door. She’d planned to spend the morning in bed, but the citric walls and cool posters weren’t as welcoming with slime dripping down to the floor.
“Wait, don’t leave me!” The frog-prince scuffled after her. “I rescued your PSP from that lake.”
Hailey turned towards him viciously.
“Listen to me, you little toad. I don’t owe you anything. Sure you got the PSP back, and I already said thank you for that. Following me home hasn’t been a cool move. And when I threw you? Well, I didn’t plan on freeing you, I was just trying to stop you from jumping into bed with me!”
The boy whimpered and gave her that look: emotional blackmail, pitiful thumb-twisting, a calf going to the slaughterhouse.
“OK, listen. I have to go to class now. Bertzank will go insane if I skip English 101. I can’t not go. You just go back to your lake and I’ll come get you after class.”
The frog prince scuttled obligingly out the door and Hailey closed it behind him with a sigh. It was a beautiful Saturday morning and she had cleaning to do.