Archive for the ‘Sara Genge’ Category
Zoli Finds His Anima
Wednesday, April 16th, 2008
Zoli liked to hang around psychiatrists’ waiting rooms to hit on the low self-esteem chicks. Neurosis was his game and he was good at it, but he hadn’t counted on full-blown crazy.
“I’m telling you, I can’t date you. I’m here to find my animus,” the girl said. Her name was Padme? Pardoma? Ah, yes, Pandora.
Zoli wondered whether he should forsake Jungian practices altogether, but the paramythological interpretations were so convenient. Arguments could always be derailed away from his practical failings and into the terrain of the symbolic and abstract. Besides, sex with Freudians was kinkier than he cared for.
“I can be your animus, honey. For you, I can be anything you want,” he said.
The girl chuckled, shaking her head. “The animus isn’t a guy,” she said. “It’s the male aspect present in the collective subconscious of women”–she sounded like she was quoting something– “You should get in contact with your anima, honey, you might become less of a jerk.”
Zoli opened his mouth to proclaim himself innocent of jerkitude, but the woman scuttled closer on the bench and pressed his head against her chest. The proximity of the boob shocked him into silence.
“I’m opening your chakras,” the girl announced, caressing Zoli’s hair. “You have a beautiful anima, you simply need to let it out.”
The door of the office opened and the girl stood up, stepped in and left Zoli alone in the waiting room.
As soon as Zoli stepped out of the office, he noticed something was different. He turned heads. The women who looked at him weren’t prettier than the ones he usually attracted, but they seemed sharper, more together. Their eyes were everywhere. They held doors open for him.
The combination of gallantry and insult confused him.
He looked down at his body, fearing something drastic had happened to his sexual differentiation, but nothing had changed, as far as he could see. He was still a guy and he sighed with relief.
Suddenly, a knight appeared out of nowhere. Her hair flew in the wind, framing her face over her full-body armour. She shone like a diamond against the asphalt and skyscrapers. Without a word, she lifted Zoli up on her white horse and took him away.
End
Always Invite The Gnome
Monday, March 31st, 2008
The garden gnome couldn’t sleep. The thumpa-thumpa coming from the neighbour’s house made the windows vibrate. Albert turned on his side and stuffed the tip of his red cap into his ear. Nothing. He could still hear the sound of people having fun without him.
Why hadn’t he been invited? He was a nice gnome, polite and respectful. He mostly kept to himself, sitting on that tuft of moss in the back yard. He hardly ever crept up on anybody using magic and it had been a whole month since the last time he’d spied on the neighbour while she was dressing.
Albert dressed and went out to the garden. The grass didn’t tease him about not being invited to the party. The lawn could be sarcastic, but for once, it kept quiet. That almost made it worse; he must be pitiful if even the grass had decided to put on its tact gloves for him.
The lawn transmitted minute vibrations originating a couple yards away. A party goer must be trespassing. The nerve! He’d show ’em!
Albert tiptoed closer to the source of the grassy disturbance. A figure silhouetted against the moon, murmuring under its breath. There was a shovel in its hand.
“Ehem” Albert coughed . The creature jumped and turned around, clutching a sack.
“I won’t give it to you!,” shouted the leprechaun.
Leprechauns always thought you were after their stash of gold and they were capable of anything to protect it.
“This is private property,” said Albert. His eyes widened; he had an idea. It was evil and twisted. It was perfect.
Without hesitation, he reached for the leprechaun’s stash and chucked it over the wall into the neighbour’s yard.
“You! You!,” shouted the enraged leprechaun. The creature darted off, tearing through the brick divider as if it were styrofoam and crashing the party with, well, a crash.
From the other side of the wall, came shouts and the sound of broken glass. A symphony of havoc. Albert smiled. He’d sleep well tonight.